You're completely useless in the revolution.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
