i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
