Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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