Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
