He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
