I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
