You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize