He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
