Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
