I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
