He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just cropdusted the office
is wine microwaveable?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
