$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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