Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
