Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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