he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
