best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pants are for mortals
COCAINE IS GR8
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
