Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
