We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize