What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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