wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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