She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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