I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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