Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
