I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
