I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize