Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
