so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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