I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
