Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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