the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
