i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We had sex on a dog bed..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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