I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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