he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
