Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
