I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
