How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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