so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
