I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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