he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
