I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize