when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
