please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
