Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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