24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
