We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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