No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
