My vagina just recognized that song.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
