Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize