Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
