id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
