My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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