You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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