i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
