you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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