How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Non-Jews are for practice
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
