Your face is a jimmy john
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
