i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
