I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I want a musical about memes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
