doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize