You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
