areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
