I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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