I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
