I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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