physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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