If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
