when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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