i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
