u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love having hate sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize