Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
