Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
