Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
