her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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