why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
