I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
