I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
