Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
