did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
