allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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