omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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