I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I came so hard my ears popped.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
