Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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