marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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