DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
