How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
