Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
