I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
