Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
