the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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