I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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