I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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