You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
