YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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