I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Vodka?
Forever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
