Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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