Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
