I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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