the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So squirting runs in the family.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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