lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
