Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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