i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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