as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
vagina is talking i cant
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
