im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
