Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
