I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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