you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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