he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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