i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
