Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
