I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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