All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
