Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
