you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
