Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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