at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
