i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
