Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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