Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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