Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
