I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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